i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
