i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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