puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
