omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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