fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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