I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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