I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
accomplished twins. life is a go
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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