I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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