We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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