My brain says no but my pants say off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
