eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
