Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
