just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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