Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
