he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
