I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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