how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i barfeds in our rink
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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