I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
