you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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