The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize