Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
