3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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