Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
