we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
