we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
