she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
