whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
