Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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