Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
