I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
