Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
