I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
