Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
