idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
false alarm. still invincible.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
