So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
