what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
