Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize
