someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
