the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
false alarm. still invincible.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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