She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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