if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
