drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
