Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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