And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
