I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
