Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
