I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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