What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Bring me that man meat
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
