I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
