He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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