My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He kissed a someone with a penis
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
