I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This can only be settled by a dance off.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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