omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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