There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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