That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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