my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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