I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
