I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
