The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
