I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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