If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
