just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
