Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
