M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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