I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize