just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
