did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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