Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
