Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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