Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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