What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
