every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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