I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
