You smell like a Billy Joel song
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
