He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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