it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
