I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
